Recrudescence
I’ve faced a lot of hardships in my life, of all shapes and
sizes; I’ve lost people I loved, I’ve been forced into situations that I didn’t
want or know how to be in, and I’ve made decisions that felt like the end of
the world. But the thing is that they weren’t the end of the world. It might
not have been easy, but I got through it and I survived. And then it was over
and I could begin to process what I had been through. However, the one thing
that I struggled to process, possibly because it is never-ending, is my
ill-health.
My entire life has been an endless battle of new illnesses, medications
and hospital visits. I have lost friends and the future that I spent my childhood
planning for myself. I lost my hobbies and my education and, worse than all
that, I lost myself. And when my future seemed hopeless and my life seemed
useless, I gave up trying. I resigned myself to an empty existence and
retreated into my mind, which became a dark and dangerous place.
But then something strange happened. A family friend who had
been battling a terminal illness for many years passed away. Her attitude
towards life and the way she treated others had always been an inspiration to
me, and I couldn’t let the world lose that light. To continue this on, I
started a charity (for more about this check out my other blog ‘Project For Beauty’). I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with my charity, I just knew
that I wanted to make the world a better place. About a month into this I
realised that it was all good showing other people how to live their life with
this positive attitude, but it would be much for effective if I lived with that
attitude myself.
And so I dedicated 2018 to changing my life. I gave myself
one year to become more positive and content with my life. It was a struggle, watching
my friends growing up and living the life that I had planned, that I had
wanted. But I persisted, and I had people around me who made the journey
easier. And now, at the end of that year long journey, I have decided to document
my experiences in the hope that it will remind others that maybe they don’t
have the life they dreamed of, maybe your future seems hopeless, but that is
not the case. Everyone has a beauty inside them waiting to be released into the
world. Maybe you can’t do it in the same way as before, but you don’t need
perfect health to have a happy life. Instead of just surviving, start living.
That’s awful! My mom went through similar where it was like every year she had a new illness or injury, but she always had us. You are doing amazing, and while it is easy to show this positive outlook on life, it tends to be harder to do it yourself.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad you’re making the push towards that goal and the fact that you’ve opened a charity is AMAZING. This is what the world needs, more people trying to make the world better - and not through wars, but through kindness.
Thank you, I really appreciate that :)
DeleteI hope your year of positivity is on track and you are giving out positive vibes to those around you. A lot of people don't understand how hard it is with a chronic illness. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I've found that most of the time you don't understand it until you have experienced it yourself :)
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