Metamorphosis
I’ve never been very bothered about my physical appearance.
I almost never wear make-up and, when I do, it is sparingly; I do not keep up
with fashion trends and instead wear what I like and what is comfortable; I do
not spend hours or lots of money doing my hair but am happy with a simply braid
or little straightening; I do not diet excessively and have always been happy
with my figure which was, luckily, naturally slim although not very flattering.
I was never the prettiest or most popular girl in school but never felt the
need to strive to change that. I was happy with how I looked and liked to say
that everyone should be, although I didn’t really understand how it felt not to
be. This changed, however, when I was about 16 and my health started to decline
more rapidly.
There are a number of factors which contributed to my change
in comfort with my appearance. First was my stomach condition, which meant that
I could drop to underweight and malnourished in just a couple of weeks. Then
some of my tablets would cause me to gain weight, which was not helped by my
inability to exercise when I was ill. And, even if I was lucky enough that my
weight would balance out for a little while, I was still left with stretch
marks all over from it changing so often
and rapidly. There was also the issue of me being too ill most days to shower,
meaning that my hair often became greasy and if I was also too ill to brush it
for days or I was tossing in bed then it would become matted at the back. It
became difficult to hold a hair dryer or straighteners and some days even
holding a hair brush was impossible. These seem like simple things that most
people wouldn’t even have to think about but to me they were some of the
biggest challenges I faced each day.
When I look in the mirror now it is like I am looking at a
different person and, no matter how hard I try, I will never be the same again.
But these stretchmarks and other disfigurements are battle scars. Every day I
am fighting an invisible war within myself, and every day I have survived it;
these changes in my body are proof of this. I shouldn’t be ashamed of how I
look because of the battles I face, I should be proud. If anything, they are a
badge of honour and I should not be worried about what others might think. If
someone sees one of my stretchmarks or thinks I am overweight and judges me
because of this then that says more about them than it does about me. My body
has achieved incredible things and every day it suffers and fights and triumphs
over my illnesses and although it may not always be easy to remember, I should
be, and I am, proud of it. The beauty of my body is enhanced by its changes
and, as it continues to transform, it will become even more magnificent.
Wise words from one so young! Alex you are an inspiration to many i'm sure. Keep fighting the fibro war you're doing great.
ReplyDeleteThank you! x
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