Resolutions

The end of a new year and the start of the next is always marked by people looking back and deciding what they want to change about their lives. Almost everyone makes a New Years’ resolution but very few keep them. Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of things that I would like to achieve this year, but I would instead like to use the New Year to be thankful for those good things in my life that I hope will stay for 2019.

I am lucky to live with some amazing people who keep my spirits up when things are rough. I live with my mum, who has spent almost twenty years driving me to different hospitals and doctors, picking up medication, driving me about because I’m too ill to use public transport, and picking me up when I am out and need to go home because I become too ill. Don’t get me wrong, we fight just like any other mother and daughter, maybe even more because of how much time we spend together. But she is also one of my best, and at times one of my only, friends. She understands when I am ill and need to stay in bed, and knows that doing this makes me want to go out even more. She offers to take me for a drive when being stuck in the house gets too much, and will leave events early with me because I can only take so much. She sees my weaknesses and also my strength, and will be the first one to support me and remind me that I can still live my life. And she will be one of the first to tell me when I need to stop and rest. Maybe she is overprotective, but I understand that it is because she cares. I might not always remember that at the time, but I do try. And, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, I appreciate every little thing that she has done and still continues to do for me. I really don’t know what I would do without her.

I am also lucky to live with some of my cousins, who my mum fosters. Lauren is the youngest at 13 years old, and she is amazing. As well as dealing with everything that she has had to go through and all of the every day struggles of a teenager, she is always there to help others. She has her lazy days and her “I forgot I was supposed to do that” moments, but she does more for me than I would ever expect a young girl to do. She will get me things when I am too ill to leave my bed and she will comfort me when I feel alone. She is like another little sister to me, and I am so lucky to have her in my life.

Speaking of sisters, I also have twin 14 year old (half) sisters, who I love with all my heart. They have been a massive part of my life since I was 5 years old, and now I cannot imagine living without them. They are closer than sisters, they are some of my best friends and I know that I can trust them with anything. Sometimes I worry that seeing me ill will upset them, but they are stronger than I often give them credit for. They have been through more hardship in their lives than people realise, and I know that they will be able to handle whatever life throws at them. They are two of my biggest supporters and my #1 fans, and hearing them talk about how proud they are of me makes me proud of the amazing young woman that they are evolving into.

All of this talk about my best friends brings me on to Ryan, the best friend I have ever had, and will ever have. He is one of my cousins, just a year younger than me, and he too lives with us. Up until recently we shared a room and, along with that, all of our secrets. Ryan knows me better than I know myself. When I am ill and try to ask for water or tablets but forget the words he will instantly know what I need and will never have an issue with helping me. I always feel guilty knowing that I can never repay him for all that he does for me, and I am so grateful for his friendship. He is one of the strongest, smartest, and funniest people that I know and getting to spend time with him every day makes being house-bound much more bearable.

The last person who lives with us, as of recently, is my boyfriend, Craig. Craig and I have only been together for five months, but it feels like years. I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him and I will spend every day trying to make him as happy as he makes me. He has sacrificed a lot to move in with me because I don’t get out much, and I appreciate it greatly. Getting to wake up next to him every morning, lying in his arms to fall asleep, and binging Netflix when I’m ill are simple things that brighten my day. He knows how to make me smile when it feels like everything is falling apart, and I can't imagine life without him. 

To others, these things may seem small and silly, but they are my entire life and I am so happy with how they are. Maybe I should be sitting here wishing that things were different, that I got to go out and had more friends and didn’t have my mum as one of my best friends. Maybe to others my life sounds sad and pathetic and pitiable. But I wouldn’t change it. Without the hardships that I have in my life I might not have all of the amazing things that make my life worth living, that make fighting through my illnesses every day that bit easier, and they are the best parts of my life; they are worth fighting through the pain for.