Why I Fake How Unwell I Feel

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Something that I am sure almost everyone with chronic illnesses has experienced is being accused of using my illnesses as an excuse – an excuse to stay off of school; an excuse to get ‘special privileges’ such as extra time during exams; an excuse to stay off of work; an excuse to avoid going to parties or other events; an excuse to use a disability parking badge. The accusations are endless.

Those of you making the accusations look at me and see a young girl who looks no less fit or capable than anyone else; maybe you look and think that I am just being lazy. I can’t say exactly what you think you are seeing, but let me tell you what you are not seeing. You are not seeing me arguing with myself as I leave the house because I should be using my crutches but I’m too embarrassed; you are not seeing me trying to hide the pain in my face with every step I take, with every word I write, with every second that passes; you are not seeing me in tears because I am missing yet another event that I had wanted to go to; you are not seeing the embarrassment that I feel when I do eventually cave and use one of these ‘special privileges’ because I literally cannot manage without it.

So whilst you think that I am faking being ill, I ask you to consider another possibility: that I am, in fact, faking being well.

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Comments

  1. TheBrieEffect10 February 2019 at 05:13

    I've encountered far too many time people believing that I'm pretending to be unwell to avoid going out, when in actual fact I've spent far too long pretending to be well that I've dug myself into a hole. It takes a lot of work to carry on despite it all, and sometimes we end up having a bad day or week as a result of it!

    Sending my love x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex Compton10 February 2019 at 12:48

      Hopefully one day people will be more understanding... thank you, same to you x

      Delete
  2. Unknown21 February 2019 at 10:34

    Unfortunately people take appearance for granted. I have scoliosis and get similar responses. But I have dealt with it for a long time and "just get on with it". It's hard when others start complaining about a pulled muscle, or something similar, when I have pain most days and mostly stay quiet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex Compton21 February 2019 at 10:47

      I know what you mean. I find myself biting my tongue a lot to stop me from saying something

      Delete

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