Acquiesce

It’s been three weeks now since I finally made the decision to hand in my notice of resignation to work. I loved my job, and loved the people I worked with; it was not an easy decision to leave. But the impact on my health was becoming too much and it wasn’t fair to my work to be constantly phoning in sick and leaving them without anyone to do the job.

Making the decision to quit wasn’t as simple as it may be for others, because for me it wasn’t just “this job isn’t working for me, I will try something else”. For me, it meant “having a job isn’t working for me. I am not capable of juggling work and my health at the moment. I need to stop trying and making myself more ill”. For me, giving up my job was giving up my chance of success, my opportunity to socialise, my independence. It meant admitting that I had to rely on those around me to support me. And it meant admitting again that there was something – a basic life skill – that I couldn’t do because of my health. In my eyes, I had failed.

And I guess I did fail. I failed to manage a job without making myself very sick. But giving up was also a success. I succeeded in listening to my body when it told me to stop. I succeeded in figuring out what I had to do to find a balance in my life that didn’t have a negative impact on my health. I succeeded in admitting when I needed help and in asking for it. These are all things that I have struggled with in the past as I saw them as a failure, but they aren’t really.

There is a famous quote by Banksy that I like for situations like this: “If you get tired learn to rest, not to quit”. I have taken a rest from work as it was making me ill. Maybe I won’t be able to manage going back any time soon, but maybe I will. The only way to truly know is to take a break, focus on my health, and try again. Every failure is an opportunity to learn and, in my opinion, an opportunity to succeed.