Persisting Pain

Since everyone is doing the 10 year challenge, I thought that I would have a look at how I have changed over the last 10 years. In 2009, I was 9/10 years old. That year I moved house and school, away from all of my friends and everything that I knew. I made new friends and went from being an outgoing, never-in-the-house little girl to an introverted bibliophile who only really socialised at school. I excelled in my studies and learned my way about living in Scotland’s biggest city after spending my childhood in a suburban community. And I began making plans for my future: At 10 years old, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, although I did have ideas – a nurse, a wedding planner, a teacher, a mathematician (I know, I was a nerd). I did know my dream job – an author – but society didn’t encourage you to pursue unrealistic goals, so I quarantined books and writing to being a hobby and dedicated all of my free time to it. By then, I had started saving for g...

Something that I am sure almost everyone with chronic illnesses has experienced is being accused of using my illnesses as an excuse – an excuse to stay off of school; an excuse to get ‘special privileges’ such as extra time during exams; an excuse to stay off of work; an excuse to avoid going to parties or other events; an excuse to use a disability parking badge. The accusations are endless. Those of you making the accusations look at me and see a young girl who looks no less fit or capable than anyone else; maybe you look and think that I am just being lazy. I can’t say exactly what you think you are seeing, but let me tell you what you are not seeing. You are not seeing me arguing with myself as I leave the house because I should be using my crutches but I’m too embarrassed; you are not seeing me trying to hide the pain in my face with every step I take, with every word I write, with every second that passes; you are not seeing me in tears because I am missing yet another e...

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I’ve never been very bothered about my physical appearance. I almost never wear make-up and, when I do, it is sparingly; I do not keep up with fashion trends and instead wear what I like and what is comfortable; I do not spend hours or lots of money doing my hair but am happy with a simply braid or little straightening; I do not diet excessively and have always been happy with my figure which was, luckily, naturally slim although not very flattering. I was never the prettiest or most popular girl in school but never felt the need to strive to change that. I was happy with how I looked and liked to say that everyone should be, although I didn’t really understand how it felt not to be. This changed, however, when I was about 16 and my health started to decline more rapidly. There are a number of factors which contributed to my change in comfort with my appearance. First was my stomach condition, which meant that I could drop to underweight and malnourished in just a couple of we...

The end of a new year and the start of the next is always marked by people looking back and deciding what they want to change about their lives. Almost everyone makes a New Years’ resolution but very few keep them. Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of things that I would like to achieve this year, but I would instead like to use the New Year to be thankful for those good things in my life that I hope will stay for 2019. I am lucky to live with some amazing people who keep my spirits up when things are rough. I live with my mum, who has spent almost twenty years driving me to different hospitals and doctors, picking up medication, driving me about because I’m too ill to use public transport, and picking me up when I am out and need to go home because I become too ill. Don’t get me wrong, we fight just like any other mother and daughter, maybe even more because of how much time we spend together. But she is also one of my best, and at times one of my only, friends. She understands...